I get angry. Quickly. And frequently. At nothing.

All through school, I attacked people, verbally and physically, for minor slights.

I was essentially kicked out of high school because I was threatening to other students and wrote a rather offensive letter to one of my teachers.

I was fired from my previous job for calling the assistant manager an inhuman bitch.

And now it looks like I'm going to be fired from Wal-Mart as well, if I don't get this under control.

It isn't helped by the fact that I somewhat enjoy being angry. The kind of bile and venom I can come up with when I'm angry at a keyboard is just... It's not the kind of thing I can come up with when I'm feeling normal. I just can't think that way without a good dose of adrenaline. I kind of like breaking shit and yelling and flailing my arms.

My misanthropy only makes it worse, as I kind of like seeing people being scared of me. I kind of like it when they jump back because I pointed at a sign rather aggressively. I like that, if I want to, I can push people I dislike away, with just a gesture and a shout.

I'm not exactly the most socially adept of humans, by the way.

I'm not fond of it.

Talking to people stresses me immensely. Having friends over, in particular, wears me right out, even if we just sat around bored, just because I actually care what my friends think of me.

I understand I need people, you see, even if I don't like them. I have to find some way to get what I need from them, even though I'd rather see them buried alive.

Another problem I have with socialization is that I don't read people very well.

Quite often, I take compliments, jokes, teasing and games as direct insults. And I have a VERY short fuse.

I overreact to things. Good or bad. Give me a ride home, I'll likely buy you lunch for a week without thinking about it. Insult me, and if I think I can get away with it, I'll drag you into a back alley, and (hopefully) I'd be the only one walking back out. Of course, it's extremely unlikely I'd get away with something like that, so my actions get stretched out over time with yelling.

I have to fix it.

Heh heh heh.

I love being me.

I kick ass.

So much ass to kick, so little time...

... And this computer addiction is REALLY holding me back.

These days, I don't do much in the way of actual angry ranting on my journal. Mostly, it's just me babbling incoherently at 2 in the morning about vague philosophical pseudo-truths.

But, today, I am mad.

See, an old problem and recurring theme ( [link] [link] ) has reared it's repulsive fucking head again, and I need to burn off some steam.

Ah, but if it were only that, I wouldn't have anything to really say! No! It was more, and I feel my old spewing of hatred needs a slight update. So, if you like swearing, social ignorance and vague hatred, read on.

See, quite often when I make new friends, I discover that they drink. Ever since high school, the occurrence of this has increased.

I have absolutely NO problem with other people drinking. I won't stop you. But I am NOT you. Nor am I anyone else. And I pride myself on this fact. There are rules.

1. I don't drink alcohol intentionally. Ever.

2. I will not buy alcohol for others.

3. I will not accompany you to bars.

4. (This is the new rule.) NO, I will not accompany you to the strip club either.

Here's why.

1. My dad drank alcohol. I did not like my drunk dad. I don't want to be like him, not even for a minute. Therefore, I will not drink. I did not like my peers in school. They drank alcohol. I want to fucking KILL them. So I will not be like them. So I will not drink alcohol. Our fucking society revolves around social interactions under intoxication. I fucking hate our society, and would like to see it completely rebuilt. I don't like people. I don't like the way they be have, the things they say, the things they do, anything about them really. I will not be like them. I will not drink.

2. I won't support another person's self-degradation, by alcohol or otherwise. This is especially true for my friends. I see alcohol as a threat, and intoxication as a problem. I don't want to play a hand in anything that I would see as hurting you.

3. Bars suck. I've been to bars. I don't like them. It's boring. Even if there's a concert. Even if the music is actually good for once. A bar has all of four things to do: Drink, hit on people, dance, leave. Anything else is ruined by the fact that drunk people make me fucking mad, just because they're so fucking dumb.

4. My opinion of women is already anti-human enough. Don't put me into a situation where I may become mad enough to actually attempt hurting someone. It might be you. Plus, I can get as much free porn as I want, why would I spend hundreds of dollars to watch a girl wiggle around and get nothing out of it?

Digging through the garbage, I found this old thing:

---

I will live my dream.

To become king.

To find my queen.

To change our world.

To change your mind.

An entertainment empire.

And, if you have some vision, some skill, or some tenacity, then I'll take you along for the ride.

And together, we'll complete eachother's visions.

And save the world from the mindless drivvel we currently feed upon, and is now trying to force itself upon those who know better.

We'll change the meaning of entertainment, and make people look at art in a way they never have before.

I don't seek to change the world.

...Just a part of it.

---

My vision still stands.