"People think men are the horny ones, NO! No, no, no! Women are horrible creatures! Well, not exactly horrible, but you know what I mean! Women want to be treated like sexual creatures, but not too much! ..."

So that's why assholes get girls and I don't. Makes sense, I guess. I mean, we're all human, right? But it kind of leaves me in a pointless limbo.

I don't want to be seen as a sexual creature... I kind of don't even like being identified as a creature. Heck, even being called "alive" or "organic" is slightly offensive to me. And I don't like it when people imply that I have sexual intentions. I do, but I wish I didn't. I don't like being human. I don't even like being an animal. But here I am! What the heck can I do about it, aside from kill myself, eh? And killing myself would be idiotic, as I like just about everything else about being alive! I love art, and music, and food! I like learning and building things and going places! I enjoy listening to people talk, telling jokes, and helping friends! I love everything about being alive EXCEPT the genetic drive to have sex. Why? because it fucks with absolutely everything else I do! It turns everything I do, everything I am, into a great big lie, a trick to get a girl. No matter how much I like those other things, my lust will eventually twist them around to serve itself, even if that wasn't the initial intent. And I hate myself for it. I hate my lust for turning me into a lie. And all I can do is resist it... Which I am VERY bad at.

But it leaves me with a bit of a problem. I do seek romance of some sort. But the idea of love I have learned is an idiotic misconception I developed as a child, and it's COMPLETELY unrealistic. I know that love is just a way our instincts manipulate us into reproducing. But I don't want to be manipulated by my genetic code. So I'll never find "love" so long as I oppose my genetic drive as a living thing, because women don't want to date an asexual robot. No matter how funny, caring, creative, skilled or productive he is. And if they're expecting me to be a sexual creature, they'll be sorely disappointed, as I'll probably go bat-shit insane. Because if that's what they expect of me, then it's proof that whatever emotion they feel for me is just their lust manipulating them and me. And I'll probably enter an extremely depressive mental state, and either directly end the relationship, or simply make her hate me. No big loss. It was just another fucking lie.

So if I want romance in a completely asexual manner, just what the hell is it I'm actually looking for? Does it even have a name? Does it even exist?